The truth is, I had a post planned for today. I really did.

It was written out about love and loss and deception, and it was deeply personal. I thought it was a good way to tell you that you only live once, don’t let life hang over your head like a cannonball. Turns out, I just don’t want to share it.

It could be because I wrote it after a break-up. So, it was full of everlasting angst, as breaking-up protocol goes. It also could be because I don’t want to focus on the negativity of the whole thing. But, more than likely, it’s because my guard has been thrown up again. My heart was broken. The shield is out, sword at the ready. I’ll fight my feelings till the day I die – medieval style, plus vintage combat boots. It could be because I’m not sure my life is a read for sore eyes, and it could also be because I don’t want to hurt anyone or anything. In gist of it all, I just don’t want to share what I had, and so I am not, but I feel that I still owe you, my readers, a post like I promised.

So, I’ll some up my sorrows in a few sentences. Get it over and done with, and end this post with a lesson of sorts.

He broke my heart, yet I love him anyways, and that’s not fair because he doesn’t care. I feel forgotten and lost and confused, as he seeks out another girl. No names will be given. He knows who he is, and his guilt and shame is something he can let fester. It’s not my job to tidy up his needs anymore. I tried long enough.

I try too hard.

That’s what I want to give to you. I give to you my strength and my “try” and I’ll tell you a secret. This world is made up of fools and bigger fools. You will make mistakes, and you will give people your best, but sometimes you can’t penetrate their hard-headed, stubbornness or childish feelings. I’m bitter. I know you can tell. For that, I apologize, but if I write this now – while I’m angry – I’m giving you more than a post; I’m giving you reality.

Don’t lose yourself to someone who doesn’t appreciate what you’re giving up or what you’ve given up for them. Be with people that appreciate who you are. That acknowledge you can’t give them everything, no matter how much you might want to. And let those people love you for that. Let them love you for all that you can give, not for everything you can’t give. Be yourself. Don’t be unhappy. Choose happiness for yourself and use that happiness to make others happy, but don’t give up your happiness to make another happy. You’ll end up miserable and lifeless, and that would be a shame, because if there’s anything God has given us, it’s to live.